Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
