So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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