I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
