She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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