whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
