im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
