I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
