you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize