mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
