shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
