I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
