Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
