I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
