The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
