Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
