I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
