I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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