The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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