Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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