Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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