i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
