I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize