My friends, they love my intelligence
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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