I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
