A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
