We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
