can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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