You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
