Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i think im in europe. pls send help
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