suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
