I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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