What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
