just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
