Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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