I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
