I wanna bring you to show and tell
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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