Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
