U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize