I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
