In the future we'll all be gay
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
