In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
