...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
