she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
