Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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