Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
