it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Operation Purity has been aborted
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
