I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
