You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
