Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
