Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
