god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We need to rekindle our bromance
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
