He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
