So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
