he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
