She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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