Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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