I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
