I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
