think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
