Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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