I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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