check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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