You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize