she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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