I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
