Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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