According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize