Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i dont even know how to be here
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
