Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
