dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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