I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
