i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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