I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
