I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
