Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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