I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
