don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
