why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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